Another busy weekend with emotions.

Wells its been another busy weekend. Friday I got up like I usually do to feed Christopher. Just slightly after getting up with Christopher, Noelle decided it was time to get up and start the day as well. So I sat on the couch with the two for a while then it was getting time to give them a bath. We had a lot going on for the weekend so I needed to get started early. So I gave Christopher a bath and fed him a bottle. While he was now in a formula induced trance and sleeping, it was time to give Noelle a bath. So Noelle got her bath and was all cleaned up I put on her favorite cartoon, Sponge Bob. So she sat there watching her movie while I took my shower and got ready. By the time it was all said and done it was getting on one or so and had to call Michelle to see what time I had to pick her up from work. Well finding out that I had to pick her up at 3:15 wasn't very good news to hear. At that time the freeways are congested with traffic and with my luck there might even be an accident that I would have to try to dodge. Well knowing how the traffic conditions are I left at 2:50 so that I would have time to get there on time. Sure as I called it, there was an accident. The hard part is always trying to predict where they are going to take place. It just happened to be that I was in the far most inner lane when I came up to the backup traffic when it came to a screeching halt. At that time it was already to late to get over to one of the exits to get off, so I could only do what all the other commuters where doing, just wait it out. So as you can imagine I was late picking up Michelle, so then in turn all of the other timed events that followed was off. At the end of all of this I still had to go to work.

I was able to get off work a little early, so like my co-workers and I seem to do on a Friday when we get off early; group therapy. Well its not really what it sounds. Generally we take turns and buy spirits from the Circle K across the street and when we are all off the clock we circle our cars together, turn up some music and unwind a bit before going home. After some time has passed it was time to head home, but instead of heading to my apartment I was heading up to my mother-in-laws house. By the time i got there it was about two, found out that their A/C was on the fritz again. It wasn't to bad, the window was open and there was a fan drawing in the cooler air. I can tell you one thing though, soon as my head of hit the pillow I was out. I think that the lack of sleep was getting to me.

Saturday morning, Michelle woke me up to get around for a birthday party that we had to go to. That's one reason that we spent the night there. The birthday party was in that neck of the woods. Anyhow, it was about sevenish I think. Still tired, I got up and got around. While Michelle was in the bathroom she had me dressed the kids. About this time I was starting to get a little flustered. It just seemed to me that I do a lot more with the kids than She does at times. I know that its not necessarily true though. There are times than she does more with them then I as well. Its a balance that I feel that just isn't always balanced. In the back of my mind I was upset that I had to get them around; and get myself around, just to go to a party that I didn't have a clue who the people were and really wasn't up to par in going anyway. So I just bottled my frustration like I always do, bit my toung and went anyway. The party was OK, I talked to a couple of people and was introduced to a few people. I don't really remember who they are and the relationship between them. Then my wife finally made up her mind that she wanted to go to the Wild Life Zoo with the kids. We had talked about a week earlier about it and was undecided on it. At first it was the uncles that was in town, and how we should go see them while they were here, then its well we should go to the zoo and that Noelle would like it. Well when she said that she was going to the zoo, was when i was letting her know that she can go, and I would like to go home and sleep. So that's what ended up happening. I went home, and she went to the zoo.

Later on that night she got home from the zoo, we put the kids to bed and we followed shortly behind them. Sunday rolled around and I was up with Christopher a few times during the night. It was still early in the morning yet, and I was in an affectionate mood and was trying to show some affection to them wife but was rejected like always. Its nothing new, so a little upset about that I went down stairs and went into shutdown mode. I started to clean the apartment. Its a funny how I take my frustration and channel it into something productive. Later on it was back to the mother-in-laws house for Michelle and her twin sisters early birthday party. Then afterwards it was over to Michelle's dads' house. You kinda get the picture.

On the drive home I was once again reminded of how much I complain by my wife. The truth is, I do complain a lot. Even if you reread this you will find a little bit of complaining in it. The truth is I know that I complain a lot. I don't need to be reminded of it time again. Deep down my complaining comes from years of not being able to be heard. Over years of anguish being bottled up and no one to vent it with, its just now become to a point to were mentally its all coming out. Like my wife, I am complaining right now because i don't feel that she listens to me. She knows when I am upset, but she doesn't take the time to really listen why I am up set with her. The main thing is that in our marriage over the last four years that we have been married I feel that I have busted my balls and sacrificed a lot for her. The thing is, it just seems like everything that I have done for her and continue to do for her just gets over looked. I was talking on the phone with her the other day and was telling her what I have accomplished within the day while she was at work. I don't normally do so, but I did. I get the response that I was productive, then I respond that i am always productive. She just then says ya, uh-hm. Well news flash I am always productive; unless I point it out like she does to me it just gets over looked. Then the biggest part of any ones marriage, the physical relationship. Lets just say that its a big disaster and there is a real lack of a physical relationship. What can I say I have to respect her wishes and what she wants. In the end I seem to feel like I get the short end of the stick. There are parts of me that wish that I would have moved on long ago, then there is the realistic truth that Michelle completes me. We have our moments that we just need our space, then there are the moments that I wish that she would understand where I am coming from and realize that I am human and have feelings and needs.